mama to mama.

DADDY!

We're both exhausted over here.  It's amazing how getting up two or three times a night with a babe who just wants to play will knock the wind right out of your sails.  We were searching and searching for answers, thinking, "we MUST be doing something wrong!" until finally a good friend of Andrew's (and a mommy of two) said, "She's just being a baby.  Babies are weird sometimes." :)  So, we're trying to be organic, go with the flow and sleep when we can.

Cut to this morning:  Lu had been up and ready to go twice (3am and 5am) already.  Both times I spent about an hour nursing, holding, rocking, pacing around the room until she fell back to sleep.  Now it was 8 and was actually about the time she wakes up for the day.  So, I rolled over and asked daddy to take over.  What does he do?  Pulls her over to his side of the bed and closes his eyes!  Oh no he didn't!  I wanted to scream.  I knew there was no way I'd be able to go back to sleep with a squawking, kicking baby in bed (even if she was on the other side), but I also knew she wouldn't stand for just lying there for long...so I waited.  Sure enough, two minutes later she was crying and daddy was forced to get up and take her to the living room to play. Did she still keep me awake with her 'Good Morning' trills and shrieks? Yup.  But it was so worth it to be able to share the responsibility with someone (insert unbelievable amounts of praise for single moms with no help here) and even though it wasn't the exact way I wanted the situation handled, it worked for him and for Lu.

This week, I asked moms to share the ways that daddy helps with baby (or not!) and was so impressed with the beauty and honesty expressed.  Go Dads!  Andrew and I are getting better at this.  I'm learning to let go a little (a LITTLE) and Andrew is learning what chores are most helpful to me (he does the dishes every day) and the things that are better left to mommy (bedtime has started to be mommy's thing) :)

Enjoy!

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Nora, mother of Maybelline, 18 months

 

Oh, how we love dads and of course they all mean well. Jesse is a wonderful father. He loves Maybelline and has waited for a child from me for 8 years. When he takes care of her she has learned many new things, like, turning on the fan with her feet, hanging food above her face to have it fall in her mouth, making walrus teeth with pretzels... i could go on and on. I guess that is what dads are for.

Unfortunately for Jesse he does not have enough time with her alone. I am always there (not wanting to miss a thing) watching what he is doing, enjoying his interactions with our daughter and loving the way she looks when her dad is with her. Maybelline loves her "Dah"! (imagine "Dah" being yelled when he walks in the room - she loves him)

Before Maybelline I had never changed a diaper, but her dad was a pro. He did the first day's messes. I am a fast learner. My "mom hat" has been a permanent accessory I have worn since then. At the beginning I took care of Maybelline 90% of the time - breastfeeding (which takes up 90% of the day), diapers, changing, baths. Dad helped out most when I needed a shower or when we traveled. Poor Jesse could never get the right cradling position, or the correct caress of the blanket on the face, but soon enough he mastered it.

Now Maybelline is 18 months. I get to stay at home with my little one everyday so i still do most of her care. Now that i am done breastfeeding Jesse feels more of a part of her daily routines.

Reasons why we love Dads:

1. We couldn't have had this wonderful baby without him.

2. He rubbed stretch mark lotion on mama's belly for 9 months.

3. He loves our little girl and would do anything for her.

4. He loves her mom and would do anything for her.

5. He knows he isn't perfect and is in this to learn right along with mama.

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Laura, Mama to Juni, 10 months

Juni's Papa does quite a bit to help out. I feel like the adjustment from independence to parenthood was a bit tougher for him than I, but as the months trickle along it seems to be easier and easier for him. He often works long hours, so nothing is consistent, but generally, he does the dishes, changes her diaper, puts her pjs on at night, cleans and vacuums, helps with laundry, and sometimes carries her in a Baby Bjorn when we go for walks. 

There are days when I wish just once he would be the one to get up with her in the morning so I could sleep just a little past 7am or that he could breastfeed her in the night so that I could get just a few hours of straight sleep, but there are nights when I am so tired I can't stand straight and he spends two hours comforting her, through her teething pain, to sleep.  I sometimes get frustrated when he is overwhelmed after I am gone at work for only 4 hours and needs time to himself, but when he works a 14 hour day, he seems to have no sympathy for me when he arrives home. I've learned to accept the fact that we do things differently. Just because I want the dishes done now, doesn't mean he has any intention of dong them within the next four hours. We see different tired cues in Juni, our energy peaks at different times of day, different experiences overwhelm us. Being so far away from all family and not having much for close friends, we don't get much for alone time, and have no couple time, except for nap time. Busier weeks turn into grouchier weeks and when we have a family day I can feel rejuvenated for the whole week ahead. 

I've learned to try my best to focus on the fact that he is a present, willing, and engaging father who loves and adores both our daughter and I. He is not me and I am not him. Even if I could (probably ;>) get her to stop crying 5 minutes faster, he is her Papa and he is trying his best. There are still moments he drives me absolutely crazy. There are still days I feel like screaming because of the way he ignores Juni in the morning when he is trying to sleep in, or the way he has time to shower, shave, and eat breakfast, but has no time for me to do any of the above (without caring for Juni at the same time), for two weeks straight. But, I've also learned to take a little ownership for my wants and needs. It is unfair to expect him to make sacrifices I have chosen to make. He makes his own decisions. It is okay for me to ask, sometimes demand, what I need and when I need it. When Juni was first born I would go crazy that he would just go around doing his normal routine while I was "stuck" caring for the baby, but most always, whenever I voiced my need for something, he would instantly make time for it. I just wanted to be the one that could shower without asking, make food when I was hungry, and take a nap for however long I wanted, not however long it was until her next feeding. Then I realized, none of these were his fault. The blessing of being her Mama and being able to breastfeed her came with it's own challenges. These were some of those challenges and I would struggle through the challenges again and again for the blessing of Juniper. 

Parenting brings along a whole new dynamic to our relationship. 10 months in, we have come a long way, but still have a lot to learn :)

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Katie {mommy to 2 year old triplets: Hayden, Olivia & Logan}

My hubby, Jeff, is a fantastic father & "child rearing partner."  And I mean that in the sweetest sense.  Having 3 of them at a time, that's what I needed, a "business partner."  We used to joke our home was run like a business.  We each have our responsibilities.  When they were babies, one mixed bottles.  One put the lids on & shook.  After dinner, one does baths, the other cleans up the kitchen.  Etc.  We are a well oiled machine.  Right now I work 3, 12 hour shifts a week & he is finishing school & teaching part-time.  So I do the majority of the cleaning & laundry.  But you better believe this summer, when he is off, its ALL HIM!!

Jeff can & does do EVERYTHING to help out with the kiddos.  Part of their lives, I worked nights, 7p-7a, meaning daddy was responsible for supper, baths, bedtime, diapers, nighttime feedings, etc. all on his own.  Now I work days, but I still work weekends & those days are all his!  Diapers, cooking, cleaning.  So they may spend all day in their PJs, oh well!  I have to just smile & nod sometimes though, as he doesn't necessarily do everything my way or to my standards.  But as long as everyone is fed, clean, diapered & happy.... the logistics are just that, logistics.  I find myself pretty lucky to have a husband who is brave enough to do it all on his own.  He can & does take 3 toddlers by himself to Walmart for groceries if needed.  Or take all 3 of them to play at the mall.  He even once took all 3 of them home to his parents house for the weekend while I worked! 

However if he had to handle the budget, daycare schedule, managing doctors appointments, regular grocery trips, maintaining diaper supplies, etc. he might go off the deep end!

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Kerrie, mommy to Aspen 11 wks

My husband helps out with pretty much everything. He usually does bathtime and we have tried to divide up the "night shift," but with breastfeeding we have not come up with a good way, so if I have pumped extra milk he will feed her if I'm too tired to get up!
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Miriam

Wife to Joe

Mom to Azalia, 4, Lucia, 17 months

 

 My husband helps out a lot around the house!  When our babies were newborns and still woke up to nurse, he would wake up, change their diapers and bring them to me to nurse back to sleep.  He's pretty much in charge of diapers whenever he is home.  He changes them, sprays off the poopy diapers and washes them every other day.  He also contributes with meal prep, cooking, and lots of chores.  He likes to do the dishes, which is fine with me!  We don't really have set chores, we just both clean as needed.  We have different parenting techniques, but we both agree on gentle parenting.  He may do things differently than I do with our girls, but we have had many discussions about how we want to parent our children and we are on the same page with discipline.  We try not to compare our duties and if one of us is doing more work than the other, that just leads to arguments.  Instead, we take a very co-parenting approach.  Nothing, besides breastfeeding, is something that is just "woman's work" or "man's work".  I'll take out the trash, he'll dust, I will mow the lawn, he sweeps.  We really try to work together so that neither one of us is burdened with the whole load.
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Thanks again to all the Mamas for their honesty and helpful advice!