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| laboring at home - approx. 3-5cm dialated |
Friday 9.16.11
40 week check up - Asya, one of the midwives, predicts that I'm going to have the baby this weekend. Beetle is in position and Asya says she weighs 7.5 to 8lbs. ;)
There are 4 midwives that work at the BBC - we met and had checkups with all of them. There is one midwife on call and it's "up to baby" which midwife will attend your birth.
2:39am - Andrew comes to bed (he's been working on sides for a callback). I notice that I'm feeling a little funny. A weird anxious-y feeling. I ignore it and go back to sleep.
9:00am - I wake up and know "today's the day". Andrew calls out of the show. Feeling a little crampy. Me, not Andrew. Nothing major, but we wake my mom up anyway and let her know somethin's-a-cookin' :) Andrew tells me to brush my teeth, or at least use some mouthwash.
Noon - Here we go with the contractions. They start and do not let up. Every 2 to 3 minutes, lasting for about a minute. The vomiting starts. Somehow this makes the contractions feel better. It does not, however, help with the morning breath. This is the first time Andrew has seen me throw up. As close as we are (we've been married for almost 3 years), many of the "grosser" bodily functions have not been shared experiences. To put it plainly: we have yet to fart in front of each other. To this day. Weird.
At some point we call both PushLoveDoula and the birth center. As it turns out, Barri is the midwife on call today. Barri reminds me of my mom, if my mom had a tatoo and wore chuck taylors. She is way cool and totally the midwife I need.
I really don't feel like getting into a car. Really. I don't want to. I've become less talkative and more "moan-y". I keep thinking to myself. Relax. This isn't even the hard part. I get the distinct feeling my mom is thinking the same thing.
Even if you know exactly what the contraction is doing - you know its purpose, you know it is a positive sign - it doesn't take away the sucky-ness of it. And, like most other mothers will tell you: it is a difficult suck to describe. Not really like a period cramp. Or like a muscle cramp. It's a very raw feeling and no amount of visualizing a rose opening or any type of "blooming" gave me one bit of relief. Please see my previous post, though, and realize that I did very LITTLE to seriously prepare.
4:15pm - We decide it's time to head to the BBC. It is a LONG drive. Andrew had rented a zipcar earlier in the day and it just so happens that the only model available was a BMW. Black with a tan leather interior. I pray I don't vomit or bleed on the seats. We make our way out of the apartment building and through a small yard sale being held on the front sidewalk. Between contractions, I can hear old Latina grandmas wishing us all luck.
6:00pm - Arrive at the BBC. I have apparently not moved the entire drive, bracing myself between the front and back seat head rests. Andrew said I didn't make a sound. I don't really remember much of the drive, but apparently we hit traffic, a detour and an accident.
Barri checks me when I come in. This is the first time I've been checked since I became pregnant. I'm at 5cm...Woo Hoo! I secretly think I'm almost done :)They get the tub ready for me right away - or maybe...ya. I think I remember Barri checking me for the first time when I was already in the tub, so they must've drawn a bath right away. I love the tub. So much so that I will say it again. I LOVE THE TUB. Everything slows down and I can rest and think and rest. Unfortunately, my labor "slows" as well. I figure out that if I'm in the tub and I just stay very still, my contractions are further apart. Or, maybe a more accurate way to say it is: I figure out that whenever I move, I have a contraction. I know that these contractions are the only way I'm going to get Beetle out and I also know that if I just moved around a little bit more, I could probably have her out sooner - but is that impetus enough for me to move my pregnant ass? No. I lie perfectly still and kind of want to cry when the birth assistants come in to get a heart rate on Beet.
I should mention now that we were left pretty much alone by Barri and the birth assistants. Unlike at a hospital, where the doctor comes in to catch the baby and is absent the rest of the time, Barri and the assistants (great name for a band, by the by) were never more than a few steps away. But I was given the luxury of laboring in the comfort of only my mom and Andrew - without a bunch of strangers watching me try - and fail - to achieve the "push face" (see previous post).
9:00pm - They make me get out of the tub. This sucks. Barri checks me again. I've dilated to between 9 and 10cm. Another Woo HOo! I secretly think I'm almost done :) I labor for awhile standing up. Something they don't tell you about labor: there is some sort of fluid coming out of you at all times. I am surprised to see blood on the floor.
Have I mentioned that my water hasn't broken yet? Have I also mentioned that my brother-in-law, Buster (his nickname), is here? Yup and yup. I am slightly amazed that my water hasn't broken - and that Barri hasn't broken it. You never hear about this happening at the hospital. And Buster, my lovely Buster, who so bravely agreed to take pictures and video of the birth, is probably hiding in a corner somewhere. "I should really apologize to him," I think. I also think that the two birth assistants are pretty cute and make a mental note to set Buster up with one of them after I'm done.
I ask to get back into the tub, which - I can tell - no one is happy about hearing. They're on to me. But, they draw a bath anyway. And I sleep in it. Literally, I fall in and out of a really sound sleep. Andrew starts to play my birth music. Barri tells me that, if I feel like it, I can start pushing a little during contractions. This feeling is glorious. She keeps asking me if I feel the urge to push...I have to think about it...well, maybe, ya, a little. I have no idea what I'm about to feel when my water breaks.
11:15pm - The birth assistants can't find Beetle's heart rate in the water, so they ask me to stand up. Crap. The minute I stand up, I have an awesome contraction...I push a little...and my water breaks...
and then the URGE to push is there and it is not foolin' around. They should not call it an urge. I have to push. It is involuntary. It is not me pushing. My body is doing the work. I cannot move. So, of course, Barri asks me to get out of the tub. This is when I start to get loud. I plead with Barri and tell her that it is just impossible for me to move right now. I want to stand there and push my baby out. In fact, I'm a bit flabbergasted as to why, after that last contraction, she is not out already. I'll find out later that, had Lu been a 7 pound baby, that push would have gotten her out :) I say, "I can't!". Barri says, "you can do anything!". I get out of the tub, on to the bed. On to my back. Barri tells me on this next contraction to push.
I push. I remember my friend Kim telling me it feels exactly like you're pooping. This helps. So do Barri's fingers in my hoo-ha. She tells me to push her fingers out. I'm not sure how long this goes on. I fall into a hibernation in between contractions. I like this part better than the rest of my labor. It may not sound like it (I'm yelling at this point), but I do. At some point Lu's heart rate drops. It is funny to me when Barri rubs on her head to try and get it back up. It is also funny to me that once Barri left her alone, her heart rate was just fine :) Even today Lua doesn't like to be messed with too much. Barri tells me that we need to get Beetle out sooner than later. She says it in a way that doesn't scare me at all. I know she will come. I know I can get her out. They decide to hand me the end of a sheet to play tug of war with one of the birth assistants. This helps and I feel like I'm getting somewhere. Everyone is saying that they can see her head. I ask how much can they see. Andrew makes an OK sign with his fingers. Shit. Really?!? Only that much? Jeeze. I maybe sort of lose a little bit of hope at this point. I can hear Buster cheering me on and realize again what a trooper he is for signing up to video tape his sister-in-law's vagina open up to the size of a small melon. I reach down to feel Beetle's hair, but can't distinguish between what is hers and what is mine. More pushing. About now is when Barri begins prying me open with every contraction.
Midnight - Finally, I get her head almost out, then have to wait until I have another contraction (with Lu's big ol' noggin just sitting there, holding me open) to get the rest of her head out. My only regret comes now: When Barri asks me to reach down and pull out my baby, I say no. I am wild at this point and want nothing more than to be done with this birth. She slips Lua out and lays her on my belly. She turns pink right away and doesn't cry.
Next time, I will try to slow this moment down. Savor it a bit more. I'll know that the hard part is over. I'll remember that once the head is out it's time to relax and enjoy the last few seconds of birth. The first thing I notice is how perfect she looks. Not like a normal, waxy, pointy newborn. She is clean and plump with a round, round head :) And that beauty mark. It is the first feature I notice. Andrew notices it first, too. How pretty she is.
Lua Delancy Cao, born at 12:25am on 9.19.11 weighing 9lbs. and 21.5inches long.
Midnight - Finally, I get her head almost out, then have to wait until I have another contraction (with Lu's big ol' noggin just sitting there, holding me open) to get the rest of her head out. My only regret comes now: When Barri asks me to reach down and pull out my baby, I say no. I am wild at this point and want nothing more than to be done with this birth. She slips Lua out and lays her on my belly. She turns pink right away and doesn't cry.
Next time, I will try to slow this moment down. Savor it a bit more. I'll know that the hard part is over. I'll remember that once the head is out it's time to relax and enjoy the last few seconds of birth. The first thing I notice is how perfect she looks. Not like a normal, waxy, pointy newborn. She is clean and plump with a round, round head :) And that beauty mark. It is the first feature I notice. Andrew notices it first, too. How pretty she is.
Lua Delancy Cao, born at 12:25am on 9.19.11 weighing 9lbs. and 21.5inches long.
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| lu with her daddy, just after birth |
